


Message Sent

by Meblerghimwriting



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: AU of an AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Hyrule is bapy, Legend is salty, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), M/M, Multi, Social Media, Time is resident Dad™, Wind and Wild are little shits, probably not canon compliant, smidge of crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-20 10:22:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meblerghimwriting/pseuds/Meblerghimwriting
Summary: Father Time: are you stupid? You all use the f word all the timeGremlin™: oh my goddess he censored itsalt: say Fuck old manCap’n Crunch: yeah TimeSmithy: do it Time. Say fuckOr in which the LU gang has Social Media and they are having way to much fun
Relationships: Link/Marin (Legend of Zelda), Link/Ravio (Legend of Zelda), Malon (Legend of Zelda)/Time (Linked Universe), Shadow Link/Vio Link
Comments: 4
Kudos: 108





	1. There’s a reason they didn’t have Twitter before

Usernames:

Time: Father Time

(@TiredHero)

Sky: Birb

(@chosenbirdman)

Twilight: Doggo

(@ranchhand)

Wild: Gremlin™

(@wildchild)

Wind: Cap’n Crunch

(@jacksparrow2.0)

Hyrule: Roolie

(@traveler)

Legend: salt

(@deathandcaffeine)

Four: Smithy 

(@4braincells)

Warriors: Pretty Boy

(@imthecaptiannow)

——

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

Proud to announce that I am back on my bullshit

↴

Move I’m gay | @imthecaptiannow

Ah fuck he’s escaped containment

↴

Drunken Sailor | @jacksparrow2.0

Hahaha yes now we can cause more chaos 

↴

Hilda | @lorulequeen

The fact that all of you are still alive astounds me every day

↴

Bitch | @deathandcaffeine

On the outside sure, but on the inside we’re all just as dead as First

↴

The Original | @Iwasherefirst

Not sure how to feel about that statement 

↴

Drunken Sailor | @jacksparrow2.0

Holy fuck you have a Twitter!?

↴

The Original | @Iwasherefirst

Yes???

↴

Drunken sailor | @jacksparrow2.0

Then why the fuck aren’t you in the group chat!?

↴

The Original | @Iwasherefirst

Because I don’t want to be?

↴

Bitch | @deathandcaffeine

Oh no no no no. If we have to suffer then you have to suffer.

↴

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

@TiredHero get First to join the chat!

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

That’s up to him

↴

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

T-T you’re no fun

——

I’m the braincell | @ranchhand

Sometimes I wonder why I live where I do. Then I remember Wilds cooking and I’m like: that checks out

↴

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

:)

↴

I’m the braincell | @ranchhand

You’re still grounded

↴

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

:(

——

Move I’m gay | @imthecaptainnow

Music is just wiggly air

↴

The Original | @Iwasherefirst

Don’t do this to me. Not today.

↴

❤️ Sun ❤️ | @chosenbirdman

Wars I am literally begging you to stop

↴

Drunken sailor | @jacksparrow2.0

No no. Let him finish

——

Drunken sailor | @jacksparrow2.0

Dumbest scar stories go!

↴

Impish | @ItsMidnabitch

I have a scar from when I fell down the stair and bit my lip so hard it bled

↴

Bold of u to assume | @wildchild

I burned my tongue once drinking tea

↴

Move I’m gay | @imthecaptainnow

I dropped a hairdryer on my leg once and burned it

↴

Bitch | @deathandcaffeine

I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself in the first grade

↴

ADVENTURE | @traveler

I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and I burned my hand

↴

Intellectual™ | @4braincells

One time someone threw the little dagger from the clue game and it impaled itself in my leg

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

I have emotional scars


	2. Are Group Chats Supposed to be This Chaotic?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cap’n Crunch: Dad wars is being mean
> 
> Father Time: Wars be nice
> 
> Pretty Boy: I have no obligation to do such a thing
> 
> Cap’n Crunch: >:p
> 
> In which there is much chaos in the group chat

-11:35 A.M.-

Cap’n Crunch: Who the fuck added me back into the fucking group chat

Birb: >:O language!

Smithy: Yeah watch your fucking language

salt: okAY WHO TAUGHT FOUR THE FUCK WORD-

Roolie: omg

Doggo: ‘the fuck word’

Father Time: are you stupid? You all use the f word all the time

Gremlin™: oh my goddess he censored it

salt: say Fuck old man

Cap’n Crunch: yeah Time

Smithy: do it Time. Say fuck

-Father Time has left the chat-

Pretty Boy: not on my watch

-Pretty Boy has added Father Time to the chat-

Roolie: To answer your question Wind it was me

Roolie: Sorry

Cap’n Crunch: its okay I forgive you Roolie  😌

Doggo: Really? You were ready to murder us two seconds ago

Cap’n Crunch: It’s not my fault that Hyrule is nicer than all of you and therefore deserves the world.

Cap’n crunch: but I know he didn’t do it on his own  👀

Gremlin™: I told him to do it

Cap’n Crunch: GASP

Cap’n Crunch: BETRAYED BY MY BROTHER IN ARMS

Gremlin™: IF I HAVE TO SUFFER THEN YOU HAVE TO SUFFER

salt: did you actually type out the word gasp

Cap’n Crunch:  🖕

Smithy: The amount of dumbassery in this chat I’m-

Gremlin™: lunch is ready btw

Birb: oh what are we having?

Gremlin™: food

Birb: fair enough

-1:43 P.M.-

Cap’n Crunch: Dad wars is being mean

Father Time: Wars be nice

Pretty Boy: I have no obligation to do such a thing

Cap’n Crunch: >:p

-2:39 P.M.-

Cap’n Crunch: Every time I hear someone talk about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and helping them complete their joke

Roolie: okay but what is updog?

Doggo: updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with various condiments, onions, and occasionally relish.

Gremlin™: no that’s a hot dog, updog is when a new version or patch application is released.

Birb: that’s an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden

Smithy: no no thats Uppsala. You’re probably thinking of that giant spider in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets

Pretty Boy: That’s Aragog. Updog is an upward moving air current

salt: That’s an updraft. I think it might be a modern version of a Henway

Pretty Boy: What’s a henway?

Roolie: about five pounds

Father Time: Great chat everyone

Doggo: This is exactly why First didn’t want to join

salt: don’t act like you didn’t participate in that mess

-2:57 P.M.-

Pretty Boy: What if the person who named walkie talkies named everything else?

Cap’n Crunch: socks are feetie heaties

Roolie: Pregnancy Tests are maybe babies

Smithy: Forks are stabby grabbies

salt: defibrillators are heartie starties

Gremlin™: nightmares are dreamy screamies

Pretty Boy: Stamps are lickie stickies

Father Time: You are all disappointments

Roolie: :(

-5:40 P.M.-

Cap’n Crunch: do any of you wonder how you’re going to die?

salt: Death is a social construct

Gremlin™: and an illusion

Roolie: Wild you can’t say that you’ve actually died before!

Gremlin™: and yet here I am, thus proving my point

Doggo: What the Fuck is wrong with you people

Pretty Boy: Wind do you think you’re going to die soon?

Cap’n Crunch: I’m looking forward to it

Birb: No-

salt: bro same

Gremlin™: we all crave the sweet release of death

Smithy: Again, Wild you’ve already died.

Gremlin™: best 38 minutes of my life

Pretty Boy: not technically your life since you weren’t alive at the time

Gremlin™: I think you all get my point


	3. Stop it Four, you’re scaring the others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IV | @4braincells  
> He’s coming
> 
> ↴
> 
> 😄 | @chosenbirdman  
> This tweet makes me feel vaguely unsafe
> 
> ↴
> 
> IV | @4braincells  
> Good
> 
> Or in which Wild is an arsonist and Four is Fucking Terrifying

Dumbass Motherfucker | @wildchild

I’ve been grounded :(

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

Now there’s a surprise

↴

Not a fucking furry | @ranchhand

You can hear the sarcasm through the text 

——

🌺🌺 | @flora

Hey @wildchild what were you grounded for

↴

Dumbass Motherfucker | @wildchild

Arson

↴

🖕🖕 | @ItsMidnabitch

I’m sorry what

↴

Dumbass Motherfucker | @wildchild

You heard me

↴

🖕🖕 | @ItsMidnabitch

Damn. Respect  ✊

↴

Not a fucking furry | @ranchhand

Not you too

——

Depressed™ | @Iwasherefirst

Every day I wake up and tell myself that today will be a good day. And every day I am proven wrong when our local gremlin sets something on fire. Again.

↴

Dumbass Motherfucker | @wildchild

Feeling a little attacked

↴

Depressed™ | @Iwasherefirst

You should

——

IV | @4braincells

He’s coming

↴

😄 | @chosenbirdman

This tweet makes me feel vaguely unsafe

↴

IV | @4braincells

Good

↴

✨✨ | @imthecaptiannow

Damn four. I didn’t think you had it in you

——

Yeet | @jacksparrow2.0

Listen I know I’m the youngest in the house but that isn’t going to stop me from doing something stupid today

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

No.

↴

Yeet | @jacksparrow2.0

Contrary to your handle, you are not my father

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

@Malanya

↴

The mother™ | @Malanya

No.

↴

Yeet | @jacksparrow2.0

Yes mom sorry mom

——

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

@imthecaptiannow

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

@imthecaptiannow

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

@imthecaptiannow

↴

✨✨ | @imthecaptiannow

What the FUCK do you want

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

Bitch.

——

✨✨ | @imthecaptiannow

Hey @4braincells why are you so short?

↴

IV | @4braincells

I will steal your kneecaps :)

↴

Yeet | @jacksparrow2.0

Ohohoho wars is fucking dead

↴

✨✨ | @imthecaptiannow

I’m scared

↴

Cinnamon roll | @traveler

Knowing Four, you should be

↴

Yeet | @jacksparrow2.0

Rip Wars

↴

IV | @4braincells

You’re next


	4. We should look into restraining Wild…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doggo: why the FUCK is the stove on fire?
> 
> salt: did someone let Hyrule into the kitchen
> 
> Roolie: I’ve been out with Aurora.
> 
> Gremlin™ : it’s called cheese saganaki you heathens
> 
> Gremlin™: it’s a fucking delicacy 
> 
> Or in which Wild eats strange things

-10:13 A.M.-

salt: wind brought home another sword last night

Father Time: you are a loose cannon Wind

Cap’n Crunch: no I’m not. I’m a cannon maybe but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Smithy: I think you play by your own rules

salt: no way he thinks rules were made to be broken

Birb: those are all attributes of a loose cannon

Cap’n Crunch: no I’m just a reckless renegade. Wild is a loose cannon.

Roolie: he’s right, I literally just saw him set a chair on fire

-11:36 A.M.-

Doggo: Wild got banned from Sushi Ya so we’re on our way home for lunch

Father Time: I’m sorry what

Gremlin™: well they shouldn’t say all you can eat if they don’t mean it

Roolie: Wild you ate a chair

Father Time: whAT-

-1:53 P.M.-

Pretty Boy: I feel like we have enough information to tell you.

Pretty Boy: Wind and I have been conducting an ongoing investigation as to what Wild will and will not eat

Birb: ??

Cap’n Crunch: Grass? Yes!

Pretty Boy: Moss? Yes!!

Cap’n Crunch: leaves? You bet!

Pretty Boy: shoelaces? Most of the time!

Cap’n Crunch: worms? Strange but true!

Pretty Boy: Rocks? The answer is yes!

Cap’n Crunch: twigs? Usually!

Pretty Boy: Hyrules cooking? Inconclusive!

Father Time: how… how do you test this?

Cap’n Crunch: you just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Doggo: I don’t know how to feel about this

salt: is that where all my spare shoelaces went!?!

Gremlin™: those were shoelaces? I thought they were just inferior worms

Pretty Boy: wait you knew we were doing this!?!

Gremlin™: yes?

Cap’n Crunch: then why did you eat all that stuff?!?

Gremlin™: I didn’t want to hurt your feelings!

Cap’n Crunch: Dammit Wild! You’ve thrown off our test results!!

-2:35 P.M.-

Pretty Boy: poison is a magic transmutation that turns people into corpses

Birb: I don’t understand

Cap’n Crunch: this knife is actually a magic wand that only produces killing spells

Gremlin™: meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel

salt: *cocks gun* magic missile

Smithy: I leave the chat for a few hours…

Father Time: what the fuck is wrong with you children

-4:59 P.M.-

Doggo: why the FUCK is the stove on fire?

salt: did someone let Hyrule into the kitchen

Roolie: I’ve been out with Aurora.

Gremlin™ : it’s called cheese saganaki you heathens

Gremlin™: it’s a fucking delicacy

Father Time: what did we say about fire in the kitchen

Gremlin™: don’t knock it till you try it

Pretty Boy: I’m gonna go with no.

Pretty Boy: I’d rather not burn off my tastebuds. And my tongue. I like being able to eat

Cap’n Crunch: you’re supposed to put it out before you eat it Wars. Everyone knows that

Smithy: yeah I mean it’s kind of obvious

Roolie: I just had some it’s really good  😌

salt: you are all insane

-6:57 P.M.-

Birb: What does take out mean?

Doggo: Food

Pretty Boy: Dating

salt: Murder

Gremlin™: It can mean all three if you’re not a fucking coward

Cap’n Crunch: ^^


	5. Someone get them off the internet please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jar of dirt | @jacksparrow2.0
> 
> She’s probably off committing crimes right now
> 
> ↴
> 
> Not a fucking furry | @ranchhand
> 
> Who is?
> 
> ↴
> 
> Local Arsonist | @wildchild
> 
> What are you a cop? Piss off
> 
> Or in which there is much of everything and Time is a cryptid

Local Arsonist | @wildchild

I figured out how to get rid of crime completely

↴

Move I’m gay | @imthecaptiannow

Do tell

↴

Local Arsonist | @wildchild

Get rid of the  ✨ law ✨

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

No.

↴

jar of dirt | @jacksparrow2.0

YES

——

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

I just saw the old man make the spiciest fucking cucco recipe his wife had, taste it while it was still hot, and then add more fucking spice to it.

↴

jar of dirt | @jacksparrow2.0

POWER MOVE

↴

Soft Boi | @traveler

@TiredHero are you okay?

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

No

——

jar of dirt | @jacksparrow2.0

She’s probably off committing crimes right now

↴

Not a fucking furry | @ranchhand

Who is?

↴

Local Arsonist | @wildchild

What are you a cop? Piss off

——

El Capitan | @tetrasass

Just committed a crime

↴

jar of dirt | @jacksparrow2.0

What did you do?

↴

El Capitan | @tetrasass

Wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

@jacksparrow2.0 you need new friends 

——

Soft Boi | @traveler

Wait how many swords do we even have?

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

Sword of a lot

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

Blocked

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

Parried

↴

IV | @4braincells

I hate this fucking family

——

Move I’m gay | @imthecaptiannow

If your good at something don’t do it for free

↴

IV | @4braincells

*you’re

↴

IV | @4braincells

That will be 5 rupees

——

😄 | @chosenbirdman

What’s the most random fact all of you know?

↴

Bunny Boy | @raviomerchant

Pound for pound, movie theater popcorn costs more than filet mignon 

↴

🌺🌺 | @flora

Snails can hibernate for up to three years if the weather doesn’t suit them

↴

Soft Boi | @traveler

Lighting bolts don’t actually have a temperature 

↴

Bi-Disaster | @deathandcaffeine

Rabbits can’t puke and neither can rats

↴

El Capitan | @tetrasass

A dozen bodies were once found in Benjamin Franklins basement

↴

Not a fucking furry | @ranchhand

Bees sometimes sting other bees

↴

Local Arsonist | @wildchild

Nutmeg can be fatally poisonous 

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

Cows hold grudges 

↴

IV | @4braincells

I feel like there is a story behind this

↴

Why am I dad | @TiredHero

There is, and I am not sharing


End file.
